Saturday, 5 December 2009

Finally found my Blog

More ramblings later ...

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

KidsLife Fashionshoot



OMG, it's a long time since i've blogged anything - was so busy with the website of our magazine - check out www.kidslife-magazin.de. This two photos are from a fashion shoot from last week, in the beautiful house of my artist friend Andrea, who sits on the yellow sofa with one of our models, Celine. The kids all did a great job!

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Love Letter To Those "Sherbies"

While sorting my clothes the other day into "Pack, Throw or Give-away", I caught a whiff of autumn through the open window and was instantly transported back to a much younger "me/I" ... the 13-to-18-year-old girl/child who had the good fortune (in retrospect) to experience "The Sherborne Experiment".

During this precious moment time stopped, mercifully, revealing its undeniable timelessness.

September: The beginning of a new school year. Mid-October: The beginning of each of the five Sherborne courses.

WOW!!!! I have just realised why I fall into a depression every summer - in spite of the sun, summer holidays and all those expectations of joy and relaxation. This time represented, for me, a period of relief at being temporarily freed from my hated school, while providing a relentlessly repeated period of "mourning" for those people who I had come to accept and love during those brief ten month-courses.

New students started to drift-in to "my home", as early as late-September. I resented these newcomers for settling themselves in and making themselves at home. The first course didn't count, because we were all "new". But, thereafter, I regarded each new face as an imposter. "Strangers" from the US would ask me: "Where's the John?" and it took me a while to figure out that they were not asking about the whereabouts of a new student. "John who? How the hell should I know?".

Of course I (and my teen-girlfriends) checked-out the good-looking males and formed instant, if brief, crushes but the most interesting and "educative" lesson for me was that, those people who I decided I could not possibly, Ever, like or tolerate were exactly those who I mourned when they left at the end of the year. And it is, mainly the women who I am still in touch with, thanks to that ol' Devil, Facebook.

I am still digesting the Sherborne Experience and it will take more than one lifetime. I am thankful, grateful and honoured, to have been graced with the part of "Fourth Wench on the Left", in the whole scenario. Well, perhaps ... Act V, Scene VI???

In those days I yearned for a "normal" life. Two, living, parents. Regular Sunday roasts, a standard house with a white picket fence, to which I could invite my friends (Not to mention TV, and a telephone which did not reside in a wooden closet under the main stairway) rather than having to introduce them to a "family" of 80-100 folks,striving towards transformation. Try explaining that to your school mates!

(Interestingly enough, my "musings" have been interrupted by an old Subud friend who reminded me that "we" will never fit-in).

What else have I learned?: First impressions can be deceptive. Look beyond the "unbearable manifestations" of others, put yourself in their shoes and allow them, and yourself, a dose of understanding and compassion. Never, ever, throw stones! Don't waste a nano-second considering what "others" think of you, however strong the temptation to conform may be.

And ... in the words of G's grandmother (misquoted as usual): "Never do as others do". Oh ... and, in the words of Granpa "G": "Sacrifice your suffering". "Man", anyway, "cannot Do". Allow yourselves to be "worked-on" - i.e. Let Go! Pierre Elliot always emphasised that the "Work" cannot be "done" without JOY! Forgive yourself, your parents, your kids ... the crippling Guilt and Shame. Drop those punishing Thought Forms and allow yourselves, dare I say it? ... some FUN!

Love to all you fellow "Misfits".

A-C xx

Thursday, 7 May 2009

A Thunderous Welcome

Was woken at around 3 am by a thunderstorm. First one in ages and I thoroughly enjoyed it, in spite of being soooo tired and needing to catch-up on some sleep. It felt like a welcoming committee, and now the birds are starting to chat outside. I'm going to throw my aching body into a lovely hot bath ... the first in my new bathroom in my new house.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Oh migod! I forgot ... I wanted to write something funny!
My dear friend, Adrienne is currently accepting breast cancer. I choose to say "accepting", rather than "fighting", because this is what she is doing while undergoing the unpleasant treatments which will get her through this.

I feel as though I am somehow accompanying Adrienne on this journey, and she is a constant companion to me, in spite of the physical distance between us. Her "illness" has brought-up (and continues to do so) many thoughts and questions about my own Life, the lack of respect towards it which I have shown in the last couple of years, and the preceding years, come to think of it.

We can feed and care for our bodies as much as we can and want, yet that is just the tip of the iceberg. What does cause cancer? What makes us drink, smoke, overeat, overwork, spend hours on the internet,run away from relationships? What are we not facing? What have we not dealt with? Will we ever get a break from trying to deal with all the issues which plague us throughout our lives?

I can't explain what I'm trying to say here. What Adrienne is giving me is worth far more than all the hours of therapy and spiritual searching I have been through up till now. Perhaps because the message of her gift is simple. This is all we have - Now. No regrets, no guilt, no: "I should have, could have, would have."

Just this moment, typing this blog, smoking yet another cigarette (no guilt? - tough one), drinking my umpteenth cup of tea, hearing the voice of Kai talking to his friend on the phone, trying not to be irritated by the sounds of Michael's computer, hearing the birds outside (corny, but true), turning my head to watch the sun going down over the trees in the distance.

And through this, feeling connected, and happy to be alive.